An Update on Life

I really, really hate to be a downer. I don't like focusing on myself and all of my life craziness, but I think for this post, I'm just gonna go for it, because I feel like you deserve a reason to why my blogging has been a wreck lately.

Lately, I've been kind of out of it. I haven't been doing as well in tennis as I normally am, and there's been a few other things going on with friends too. Mash all of that up into a mess of insanity, and it's been a little overwhelming.

I think a lot of my mood this past while has been because of a problem with a boy (surprise, surprise). I won't go into detail, but let's just say we were best friends for most of this year, and there was a lot of mutual likeness going on, I'll admit. And then he slowly stopped talking to me, and eventually shut me out completely. He started being all over tons of other girls during that period, where we started talking less, and afterwards, which, if we're being honest, hurt. A lot. It was like I wasn't good enough, so he went to find someone who was. He won't even look me in the eye anymore, which is pretty awkward considering he goes after every other girl he sees. If we're being brutally honest, I'd call him a player, deep down. I actually had quite a few times where I cried over him, but looking back, I can see that he wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth the tears I cried. Our friendship was more pain for me than it was happiness near the end, and even my mother told me I deserved better. So eventually I stopped looking back on it so much, because all it did was ruin my mood.

So that little event had me thinking that there was something that I did wrong, that there was something about me that caused it or that I wasn't good enough. I know there were things I probably did, but I've realized that it wasn't really all my fault. However, that had me going through a little period of time where I was having to do a little bit of exploration to figure who I was and what exactly it was that I valued most. I was just trying to figure out my life basically. This entire thing has been a bit of a learning experience, and even though it was probably one of the most painful things I've ever been through, it'll probably help me in the long run (right now though, it's pretty awful, don't get me wrong). Right now I'm just going by the advice a dwarf once gave me for this long run. "Keep breathing. That's the key."

Tacking on the fact that lately tennis has been a struggle for me because I've been distracted by the above, and then when I'm distracted I don't play as well, it's been not so awesome. So here I am feeling down about a guy, and then feeling more down because I'm playing horribly and botching up my shots left and right, and that adds up to me feeling, well, pretty bad.

Feeling bad about myself gave me very little motivation to blog, and I found myself getting out of habit with it and not having as much fun with it as I usually do. You guys are really amazing, and I'm so glad to have people like you in my life to cheer me up with your comments.

I guess right now all I'm trying to do is take care of myself for a while, because I think my heart needs a little TLC after what it's been through. And maybe food will help too.

Sorry to dump this emotional, lengthy mess of a post on you all, but I really do feel better putting it out there and giving you something besides my poor excuses of posts. I just have a tendency to pull an Elsa and conceal all of my feelings and make sure no one sees them, and when they finally explode, it's crazy. So I figured I might as well just spill the beans.

And now I'm going to go listen to some relaxing Ed Sheeran music, because, really, his voice is amazing and his songs are fabulous. What more could I ask for?

Thanks for listening to my rambling, super honest post. Sorry it was so long!

That is all.

Cheers,
Sea