What Just Happened (Anxiety and A Mini Panic Attack)
So on Saturday I went shopping for a dress for the winter semi-formal coming up. It wasn't all that productive, and there was one store my mother and I hadn't gone to yet. However, this is one store that I never want to step foot in again. Why?
The minute I walked through the door, a salesperson came up to me and did the usual salesperson thing of asking what I was looking for and if she could help. I stupidly answered that I was dress shopping, and then she instantly decided that she would pick out some dresses for me to try on and started shoving clothing and accessories at me. I was a little stunned, because most salespeople just tell me what's on sale and then leave. I know she was trying to be helpful, but I was just so overwhelmed. The atmosphere of the store was so crowded and there were so many people, and I started to breathe really hard and it felt like there was this massive rock pounding in the middle of my forehead.
Here's the thing: I do not get anxious or crack under a lot of stress. That has always been me. I've always had a level head under pressure, and overwhelming situations never phase me. Usually things that make other people freak out and squirm, has me like:
I'm a pretty chill person. Things just don't make me shut down and panic. But not that day. It was like something had circuited in my brain, and I felt like I was half-drowning. I didn't know what do to. This lady was trying to talk to me about dresses, and all I could do was just nod and pretend I could understand her. It was like I lost all ability to comprehend what she was saying, and quite frankly, it terrified me. I had to wait for almost a half hour to actually try on the dresses she'd picked out for me (after having her follow me around the store like a lost, chirpy puppy), and I don't even remember what they looked like. I was in such a panicked daze, and I just threw the dresses on and then off again because I couldn't stand being in that store for a second longer. She asked me if I wanted her to put the dresses on hold for the day in case I came back, and I just whispered yes and practically ran from the store with my mom in tow.
Once out of the store, I just stood there for a few minutes, my eyes darting around with what I can only imagine was a deer-in-the-headlights look but on steroids. My hands were just shaking, and my whole body was trembling like a leaf. I just silently held my arms out to my mom and she held me until I stopped shaking.
I wouldn't call it a full blown panic attack, but I felt like the entire time in that store any anxiety in my body just exploded into this massive thing that I couldn't control. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of people and I was just overwhelmed by everything happening. I wanted to cry and run away, but my normal calm nature was trying desperately to rein everything back in control and I couldn't make my feet move. It was so scary. I don't know why it happened, and I have no idea why that store triggered it.
I did end up finding a dress in the end, a lovely whitish-cream with little golden sequins sprinkled over it, and some nude colored heels to keep things simple. But I didn't go back to that store, and I still don't know if I ever dare to go back there.
I'm sorry that this post isn't as cheery as some of my others, but I just need you guys's support right now, and some virtual hugs. I'm still just feeling a little bit lost because of what happened, and the fact that it was so out of character for me. Please just keep me in your thoughts and maybe leave a comment if you've experienced anything like this or you have any thoughts or advice for me.
I love you all.
Cheers,
Seana ♡
The minute I walked through the door, a salesperson came up to me and did the usual salesperson thing of asking what I was looking for and if she could help. I stupidly answered that I was dress shopping, and then she instantly decided that she would pick out some dresses for me to try on and started shoving clothing and accessories at me. I was a little stunned, because most salespeople just tell me what's on sale and then leave. I know she was trying to be helpful, but I was just so overwhelmed. The atmosphere of the store was so crowded and there were so many people, and I started to breathe really hard and it felt like there was this massive rock pounding in the middle of my forehead.
Here's the thing: I do not get anxious or crack under a lot of stress. That has always been me. I've always had a level head under pressure, and overwhelming situations never phase me. Usually things that make other people freak out and squirm, has me like:
I'm a pretty chill person. Things just don't make me shut down and panic. But not that day. It was like something had circuited in my brain, and I felt like I was half-drowning. I didn't know what do to. This lady was trying to talk to me about dresses, and all I could do was just nod and pretend I could understand her. It was like I lost all ability to comprehend what she was saying, and quite frankly, it terrified me. I had to wait for almost a half hour to actually try on the dresses she'd picked out for me (after having her follow me around the store like a lost, chirpy puppy), and I don't even remember what they looked like. I was in such a panicked daze, and I just threw the dresses on and then off again because I couldn't stand being in that store for a second longer. She asked me if I wanted her to put the dresses on hold for the day in case I came back, and I just whispered yes and practically ran from the store with my mom in tow.
Once out of the store, I just stood there for a few minutes, my eyes darting around with what I can only imagine was a deer-in-the-headlights look but on steroids. My hands were just shaking, and my whole body was trembling like a leaf. I just silently held my arms out to my mom and she held me until I stopped shaking.
I wouldn't call it a full blown panic attack, but I felt like the entire time in that store any anxiety in my body just exploded into this massive thing that I couldn't control. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of people and I was just overwhelmed by everything happening. I wanted to cry and run away, but my normal calm nature was trying desperately to rein everything back in control and I couldn't make my feet move. It was so scary. I don't know why it happened, and I have no idea why that store triggered it.
I did end up finding a dress in the end, a lovely whitish-cream with little golden sequins sprinkled over it, and some nude colored heels to keep things simple. But I didn't go back to that store, and I still don't know if I ever dare to go back there.
I'm sorry that this post isn't as cheery as some of my others, but I just need you guys's support right now, and some virtual hugs. I'm still just feeling a little bit lost because of what happened, and the fact that it was so out of character for me. Please just keep me in your thoughts and maybe leave a comment if you've experienced anything like this or you have any thoughts or advice for me.
I love you all.
Cheers,
Seana ♡
Hi Seana,
ReplyDeleteWhile I've never experienced anything exactly like yours, or quite as bad, I do tend to get anxious over seemingly benign things. For me, it's performing - I have stage fright. I get on stage and I freeze. The only things I can think about are why on earth I ever agreed to do this and how I'm going to get out of it before I get sick.
I don't know if this'll help you at all, but usually what I do is take deep breaths. (I know, it's a really clichéd thing to say, but it does help me). I've also told a few friends about it so I know they will support me and help me if anything happens. If I feel panicked, I can look at them in the audience and see them giving me a thumbs up or a smile, and that helps.
So I'd suggest telling a few friends so they know to look out for you in case it does happen again. (Of course, it could also never happen again!)
Anyway, I hope this helps, at least a little. :)
Thank you so so much for your advice. (: While stage fright isn't the scariest thing for me, I think deep breaths will really help. Also, I hadn't thought to tell my friends about this, but I think I will if it gets any worse. Thank you so much!
DeleteI know, sometimes you just have this mini panic attack where you know you're on Earth but you don't feel like it...
ReplyDeleteDon't worry. It might just mean you're Middle Earthen sometimes :)
I think Middle Earth is a lovely place to be. (: Hobbits would definitely be able to cool off a panic attack for me.
DeleteI had an experience like that... I was so nervous... and also in general, during band concerts I can get nervous (and I know because I just came from one. Sitting in my suite still) :). But, it's fine Seana. The weird moment has passed. And if by slim chance something like that happens again, now you are prepared. Sadly, I am going to be gone for the dance. Thankfully I didn't buy a ticket before it was rescheduled.
ReplyDelete~A.J. Ryan
DeleteI can relate to those pre-concert nervous shivers. (: I'm hoping this was a one-time thing, but you're right. If it happens again, at least I have this little experience in my pocket. Sorry you have to miss the dance. But at least this way you won't be blinded by my awkward dancing.
DeleteAw you poor thing! I don't have panic attacks, and I can only imagine how bad that must have been for you. I send you 500 virtual hugs, and I am sure everyone else reading this does too.♡
ReplyDeleteYour virtual hugs are definitely appreciated. (: Panic attacks aren't a fun thing, but people like you help out so much.
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