Dear Lost Girl: An Open Letter

Dear Lost Girl,

Once upon a time you thought you were a princess, destined to rule a castle of stars. You thought that the world was at your fingertips, that everyone was full of so much light that darkness wasn't even possible. When flowers bloomed, you thought they would bloom forever, if only you wished hard enough and gave them all the love in the world. In a word, you were naive.

And then you grew up.

You learned that the world was harsh and cold, and that sometimes what seems so right is something that can only go wrong. You made friends, you lost others, and thus a cycle of comings and goings was born. Snide words and childish comments entered the scene at the same time, when little kids decide that appearances matter far more than a kind word or a gentle heart. Insecurity grew along with a sense of fear that no one was permanent, and suddenly your optimistic, hopeful self turned inwards, a much quieter, shaky self coming forward to take her place. She needed reassurance like a drug, and she feared her own mind more than any outside force.

And when a sparking presence came in the form of a smiling boy with laughing eyes, you clung to it like a lifeline. But he couldn't save you. Not when you couldn't save yourself.

So he left.

Lost Girl, you were so afraid when he left: afraid you'd done something wrong, afraid you weren't enough, afraid that you would never find yourself again. And you didn't find yourself again, not for a long while. Not until you woke up and realized that there are some things in this world that are worth fighting for, including yourself.

So you fought.

You grabbed life by the reigns and took every ounce of strength you had to embrace whimsy and find new light in a heart that seemed so broken. And even though every time you stood up, a new battle named anxiety tried to tackle you back down, you refused to let it define you, and you refused to live a life in constant fear. Sometimes it still threatens to bury you under that invisible weight, but you've learned to live so freely that it can't touch you the way that it used to.

But that freedom came with a price.

The smiling boy with laughing eyes was replaced by a boy with sunsets on his mind. For a little while you found another thing in your life to remind you that goodness is around every corner, until the stars started to fade from your eyes, no matter how hard you kept trying to keep them from fizzling out into nothingness. And even though it tore your heart in two...

You left.

To find yourself again. To conquer your anxiety again. To chase that castle of stars again.

Lost Girl, the dream of being a princess was yours. But, I'm no princess, destined to wear silken gowns and have a life that's perfection on the outside.

I'm a queen.

So while I lost you growing up, I found myself. And that is enough.

Love,