Guest Post: 5 Strange Things About Authors

Greetings from me to you, lovely readers. Today, Tempest the cat (who is the pet and companion of the awesome Robyn Hoode) is gracing my blog with a guest post. I'd like to thank both Robyn and Tempest for putting this together. Sadly, Robyn does not have a blog as of now, but is thinking about having one in the future, so for the moment I can't link to her blog. Sad.

Now then, I'll stop blabbing and let you enjoy the post.

- Seana

Friends, Romans, countrymen, Roman countrymen, Roman friends, friendly-country-Romans…

(Tempest, get to the point)

Ahem! Yes, well, I suppose I should.

My name is Tempest. I am a cat. You read that right. I am a cat. I am a cat who can talk and type as well. And read. I belong to an aspiring author by the name of Robyn Hoode. If you see anything in parentheses, that is Robyn giving her input.

Robyn and I reside in a house like a Hobbit-hole, only made for taller people. She writes, reads, knits, spends too much time on the computer (Tempest, if I didn’t spend so much time on the computer, you wouldn’t be doing this post), watches too much television (*rolls eyes*), while I provide companionship and support and I catch mice that wander into our abode. I also try to make her see that a brownie is not a good creature to have in the house. (Tempest and I have differing opinions on brownies.)

I want to thank Miss Seana for allowing me to do a guest post. And… I suppose I should thank Harry and Hoode for causing mischief. For anyone who does not understand that last sentence, please refer to the comments on Miss Seana’s earlier post “Let’s Ice It And Call It Good”. All will be made clear. So… ahem… thank you to the mischievous button-stealing brownies.

Alright, moving on.

Today, I would like to talk about

5 Strange Things About Authors

(These things, of course, do not apply to all authors. These are just things I have observed.)

1. Authors are crazy and proud of it. Think about this for a moment. They ponder life of inanimate objects. They talk to themselves. They plot heists of fictitious silver spoons, when they would never steal in reality. They have imaginary friends, bodyguards, minions, etc. And they see nothing unusual about this! It is socially acceptable among authors to do these things. Some of them are even proud to be in such a state! They don’t suffer from insanity—they enjoy every moment! (Tempest, may I remind you that you are a figment of the imagination?) Well… excellent point, Robyn. Moving on.

2. Authors can find inspiration anywhere, but can’t find it anywhere. Have you ever seen an author with writer’s block? They mope about the house, attempting to find inspiration until it pounces upon them like a cat upon a mouse! It almost always comes by surprise. And yet they expect to locate it and sneak up on it! And when they aren’t looking for inspiration, they always get it from… the song that just came on, the snow blowing in all directions, the fork they just pulled out of the drawer. In short, if they would just stop looking for it, an idea should come to them.

3. Authors think chocolate, coffee, and tea have mystic powers for writers. It’s not true. These are all excuses to drink coffee and tea and eat Hershey’s by the pound. (Tempest, you know that part of being a writer is drinking coffee. Ever heard the saying “Coffee now, or the protagonist dies”? You wouldn’t want my poor MC to bite the dust, now, would you?)

4. Authors forget to eat or would prefer not to think about it. In light of the last point, this one is really odd. But it’s true. I often have to encourage Robyn to eat regular meals.

5. Authors treat their books and characters like their own children. I suppose this one isn’t so strange. Every time Robyn loses a notebook, she becomes frantic and inconsolable until it is found. But I think I can understand how an author can think of the world she has created out of mere words as a child and she the parent. It is hers to take care of, nurture, and watch grow. The characters are people she has come to love and she must do what is best for them and the story.

Don’t misunderstand me, I like authors, especially Robyn, but you have to admit, sometimes they are a bit strange.

Well, that is it. I must get back to encouraging Robyn to write instead of doing other things. Robyn, you have to finish that book! Go write! I will sit on your feet, being the perfect picture of a writing companion, and at the same time not letting you get out of your chair. (A worthy goal, Tempest. Except you forget that I am bigger than you and can push you off of my feet. Still, you’re right. I have writing to do. Conclude your post so you can be the perfect picture of a writing companion.)

Yes. Well, I conclude my post. Thank you again, Miss Seana. When Robyn gets her blog, hopefully in the next few years, I’m sure you will hear my opinions on other topics, dear readers. Thank you.

~Tempest