Who am I? Why am I here?
Hurray for unscheduled posts! They keep you on your toes (particularly the big toe) and add sprinkles of zest to life. Anyway, now that I have that out of the way, I am going to tell you something that may shock you. Prepare yourself. Deep breaths. In. Out. Ready now?
Okay.
So I was checking my email, because if the zoo notified me that they want me to be the guardian of a panda bear for a year or so, I have to be ready. When I checked my said email, there was an email from a viewer of this blog (who shall remain anonymous). Which of itself delighted me since I quite enjoy a good email now and then. I used my trusty eyeballs to read this message which reads:
"hi seana. i was looking at @ ur blog and i thought it looked interesting. but i really hav no idea who u r or whut ur blogs abt. will u explain to me? kthxbye."
Hmm! From this brief encounter, I see that a) this person really really loves abbreviations, b) they have no idea who I am, and c) they also have no idea what my blog is about! Surely from the title of this blog you have some idea *cough cough*. But I digress. Fear not viewer, because it is time for the first-ever "Who am I? Why am I here?" episode. Now, onward!
Lights. Camera. Waffles!
The host straightened his freshly-ironed polka-dotted bow tie and shuffled his papers a bit to make himself look important. Then he grabbed his microphone with his greasy hands and squinted as the lights came down for the interview.
"Welcome to the first-ever episode of 'Who am I? Why am I here?'!" *brief applause* "Thank you, thank you. And now to star in our little show, is the one, the only (or so I presume), Seana J. Vixen!"
The crowd went slightly crazy as she walked over to the plush chair waiting her, taking care not to trip up the stairs on the way. One person in the audience began throwing food towards the blogger, who was unable to avoid getting a stale crumpet to the face and several slices of watermelon tangled in her hair.
"Hello, Seana!" The host welcomed her warmly, patting her on the back, much to her displeasure, which showed clearly on her face behind the crumpet crumbs.
"Hi, eh, Host Guy..."
"We have a question for you!"
"Do you now? Well, whatever could it be?" Seana asked, absently chewing on a strand of her hair. It didn't taste like her shampoo smelled, but instead like watermelon for some reason.
The host straightened his polka-dotted tie once more. "Who are you, and why are you here?"
Seana blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. Four. Five. Six. Seven... "Hmm. Who am I, why am I here?"
"That is correct."
"Correct?"
"Don't answer my questions with a question!" The host roared. He quickly pasted a smile on his face, scolding himself inwardly for the outburst.
"Indeed." Seana sat back in her plush chair and wiped a bit of crumpet from her nose before answering. "I'm here to bring my ounce of oddities to the world, to share any writing tips I can, to read and review books of all kinds, and to simply be an insane writer who writes like there's no tomorrow."
The crowd exploded into cheers and more stale crumpet throwing.
"So I see!" the host exclaimed cheerily, overcome with a fit of giggles. He attempted to stop his giggles by drinking some water, but only succeeded in getting his nicely ironed tie all wet. He sighed but bravely continued his interview despite his tie's sogginess. "Now then. Who are you?"
Seana nodded, apparently soaking in the question like sunlight. "I am a teen writer, reader, and all-around weird person. I have a quirky sense of humor and have a slight obsession with hippos and pandas. I generally am in a good mood, but if I happened to have to clean out the neighbor's dragon's stall, then of course I'm not going to be quite so chipper."
The host seemed satisfied with her answer, for he gave the cue for the curtain.
Seana rose immediately from her plush chair (now with crumpet crumbs on it) and saluted the host as a farewell as soon as the curtain had closed. He in turn attempted to give her a hug good-bye, which she desperately shielded herself from with the watermelon slice because she was not particularly fond of hugs from strangers. The host gave up his attempt and stalked away in a huff. Halfway across the stage he slipped on a stale crumpet while Seana fled from the stage, telling herself that next time she did this, she was going to find a different host that wasn't quite so eager for hugs.
THE END.
Yes, I do believe I need to find a different host...stranger hugs are not on the top of my list of fun things. So there we have it! Who am I? Why am I here? Now we know.
<3 Seana
Okay.
So I was checking my email, because if the zoo notified me that they want me to be the guardian of a panda bear for a year or so, I have to be ready. When I checked my said email, there was an email from a viewer of this blog (who shall remain anonymous). Which of itself delighted me since I quite enjoy a good email now and then. I used my trusty eyeballs to read this message which reads:
"hi seana. i was looking at @ ur blog and i thought it looked interesting. but i really hav no idea who u r or whut ur blogs abt. will u explain to me? kthxbye."
Hmm! From this brief encounter, I see that a) this person really really loves abbreviations, b) they have no idea who I am, and c) they also have no idea what my blog is about! Surely from the title of this blog you have some idea *cough cough*. But I digress. Fear not viewer, because it is time for the first-ever "Who am I? Why am I here?" episode. Now, onward!
Lights. Camera. Waffles!
The host straightened his freshly-ironed polka-dotted bow tie and shuffled his papers a bit to make himself look important. Then he grabbed his microphone with his greasy hands and squinted as the lights came down for the interview.
"Welcome to the first-ever episode of 'Who am I? Why am I here?'!" *brief applause* "Thank you, thank you. And now to star in our little show, is the one, the only (or so I presume), Seana J. Vixen!"
The crowd went slightly crazy as she walked over to the plush chair waiting her, taking care not to trip up the stairs on the way. One person in the audience began throwing food towards the blogger, who was unable to avoid getting a stale crumpet to the face and several slices of watermelon tangled in her hair.
"Hello, Seana!" The host welcomed her warmly, patting her on the back, much to her displeasure, which showed clearly on her face behind the crumpet crumbs.
"Hi, eh, Host Guy..."
"We have a question for you!"
"Do you now? Well, whatever could it be?" Seana asked, absently chewing on a strand of her hair. It didn't taste like her shampoo smelled, but instead like watermelon for some reason.
The host straightened his polka-dotted tie once more. "Who are you, and why are you here?"
Seana blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. Four. Five. Six. Seven... "Hmm. Who am I, why am I here?"
"That is correct."
"Correct?"
"Don't answer my questions with a question!" The host roared. He quickly pasted a smile on his face, scolding himself inwardly for the outburst.
"Indeed." Seana sat back in her plush chair and wiped a bit of crumpet from her nose before answering. "I'm here to bring my ounce of oddities to the world, to share any writing tips I can, to read and review books of all kinds, and to simply be an insane writer who writes like there's no tomorrow."
The crowd exploded into cheers and more stale crumpet throwing.
"So I see!" the host exclaimed cheerily, overcome with a fit of giggles. He attempted to stop his giggles by drinking some water, but only succeeded in getting his nicely ironed tie all wet. He sighed but bravely continued his interview despite his tie's sogginess. "Now then. Who are you?"
Seana nodded, apparently soaking in the question like sunlight. "I am a teen writer, reader, and all-around weird person. I have a quirky sense of humor and have a slight obsession with hippos and pandas. I generally am in a good mood, but if I happened to have to clean out the neighbor's dragon's stall, then of course I'm not going to be quite so chipper."
The host seemed satisfied with her answer, for he gave the cue for the curtain.
Seana rose immediately from her plush chair (now with crumpet crumbs on it) and saluted the host as a farewell as soon as the curtain had closed. He in turn attempted to give her a hug good-bye, which she desperately shielded herself from with the watermelon slice because she was not particularly fond of hugs from strangers. The host gave up his attempt and stalked away in a huff. Halfway across the stage he slipped on a stale crumpet while Seana fled from the stage, telling herself that next time she did this, she was going to find a different host that wasn't quite so eager for hugs.
THE END.
Yes, I do believe I need to find a different host...stranger hugs are not on the top of my list of fun things. So there we have it! Who am I? Why am I here? Now we know.
<3 Seana
I was about to say that that interviewer sounded a lot like me, but then he insisted on giving you a hug and I knew, right then, that I could never be that interviewer. Hugs are dangerous to a paranoid person like me. You know Charley R., right? Well, she tried to hug me once and I had to beat her off with a beach chair. She's still wary of me-- only high fives from here on out.
ReplyDeleteOh no, this certainly was not you, Liam. Poor Charley...I suppose it'd hurt quite a lot if you got attacked by a beach chair. High fives are good though if you're not a hug-lover.
DeleteOn a different note, you must read The Shadow Thieves series by Anne Ursu. They're hilarious, and you'll love the character of Phil. I guarantee it.
Well, this was just after she flung a spork at my head and tried to drown me in the TARDIS's swimming pool. Why had I offered her a guest post and an award in two consecutive days? I have no idea.
DeleteWrite a review and I'll remember better, though right now I've got many many books I need to read. Among them are The Secret War, Septimus Heap, Silverwing, and others you and other friends have suggested.
Mhmm. I'm not seeing your logic of awarding the spork-thrower/swimming pool drowner, but that's just me.
DeleteI shall have a review ready by next week if I can. The Septimus Heap books are fairly long, but the story moves along nicely, so I doubt you'll be dying of boredom. Ah, The Secret War. I believe that it's better than the first in that series, but the ending makes me want to hurl the book against the wall and stomp on it for good measure (of course I did not do this as it was a library book). It was a good ending, but one that made me angry.
Speaking of angry, my library is limiting the amount of books I can check out because it's summer. No one can check out more than 5 junior fiction/young adult books which I think is ridiculous, but I digress. The other sad part is that with so many people reading during the summer, all of the Rick Riordin books have been checked out. Oh the tragedy!
She's just that awesome. She's the only person around who would engage in an RP at a moment's notice, rolling with the punches that I of course will throw without warning. And of course, she hadn't tried to kill me prior to my giving her those things.
DeleteThat quick review of TSW makes it sound so cool. I'm looking forward to it.
Indeed. Riordan is sometimes just too popular, but you must stop at nothing to procure a copy of... something or other, whatever you haven't read.
Aye, Charley's quite talented with a lot of different things.
DeleteThe book I'm trying to find is The Red Pyramid books, which being ever-so-popular, happens to not be on the shelf and will not be on the shelf for some time thanks to the 17 holds on it. o_o
Wow. Better get your hand in there quick, before it goes up more. Or better to just wait until the raves about The Serpent's Shadow die down. Which will be in fifty years. So... Again, I'd loan you my copy of the trilogy, but you can see the difficulties.
DeleteYes. Unless you have some teleporation skills (which would be awesome) it could pose a problem.
DeleteI've considered the possibility of time travel being a type of teleportation; go back in time, travel to where you want to be in the future, then let yourself get sucked back. The mechanics of the last part will come clear in the Phil Phorce episode.
DeleteInteresting! I shall have to see what you do with that theory during the episode.
Delete