The Perplexing Puzzle of Baron Brr: Part 1

COMPLETE RANDOM STORIES! The next few posts will be a short story that I will write off the top of my head. I have no idea where this will go, but I have a basic plot in my head.

Ahem. The story is called: The Perplexing Puzzle of Baron Brr

Seana pulled her turtleneck sweater up farther, trying without success to stop the biting wind from nipping her chin. She sighed. As much as she loved the winter surroundings of the town of Frostbite, she often thought that they could've given their town a better name like Twinkling Ice or something a bit more friendly. But no, they had to go with a rather dangerous sounding one instead that probably prophesied her demise.

She was on her way to meet with Baron Brr, the town's official officiator of offices and other official affections, to discuss some plans for a new unicorn emporium that the baron was wishing to create as a new tourist attraction by the pier. Since this said baron had no knowledge of the brutes besides the fact that they often come in rainbow coloring, he needed Seana's help to fill the gaps in his mind. And there were many gaps indeed, hence why a frigid wasteland would have a pier. What were they going to do? Go fishing for frozen anchovies in their spare time?

The citizens of Frostbite were a group that were quick to come to false conclusions and point accusing fingers (and flippers, in the only resident penguin's case) at whomever they felt did them wrong. Which is why Seana was taking much care not to step on any toes or steal any snow cones, no matter how appetizing they appealed, and no matter how many toes (and flippers. Don't worry resident penguin, you haven't been forgotten) were shoved in her way. It seemed that the townsfolk would try to pick quarrels with one another, but perhaps it was just her imagination working overtime. Unicorn emporiums are serious things, you know, and can often drive one's mind into overdrive.

As multicolored snowflakes drifted down like little iridescent light bulbs, Seana consulted a crudely sketched map of Frostbite, hoping to find the baron's house marked on there. No such luck. She sighed. She knew she should've bought one of the official maps that the nice saleslady was desperately trying to get rid of, but that poor child looked like he was starving, so how could she turn down the chance to do good for the world? (It turned out the child was actually one of the most wealthy residents of Frostbite, due to the fact that he once sold illegally immigrated snowmen to various townsfolk, but of course Seana was clueless at the time...) So she ended up buying a map from the boy, and, using it as her guide, found herself hopelessly lost thanks to the blue squiggles and the giant platypus-shaped markers scattered here and there.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" Seana briskly trotted over to an elderly woman who was cursing and struggling to push her catapult through the snow.

"Oh, what is it?!" The woman snapped. "Can't you see that I'm cursing and struggling to push my catapult through this blasted snow?"

"Yes, but I thought--"

"You're too young to think. Now help me move this catapult through this blasted snow or I'll blast you with it!"

"Yes ma'am!"

Seana grudgingly helped the scary lady with her catapult and then asked for directions to the baron's home shortly afterward. The woman pointed in the opposite direction that Seana had been walking and swore again for no reason in particular. She just liked the sound of her own voice.

"Just a mile down yonder. You'll see it. Now be off with you! I need to oil this baby up; sometimes the hinges get a squick squeaky." She let out a cackle of laughter and went on her way with the catapult, swearing to her heart's content.

Seana carefully tiptoed past the flippers and toes and snow cones galore before finding herself in front of a giant periwinkle-colored door that was decorated with pictures of who she guessed was the Baron himself. She knocked stoutly on the door with her shivering hand several times. No answer. Again, she knocked several times. No answer. Finally, loosing all of her patience, she kicked the door. This time she got an answer.

"Eeeuagh!"

Not quite the response she was expecting, but it would do.

"Excuse me, ma'am. But I was wondering if you could--"

"Oh! You dreadful little witch! That was my shin! Eeeuagh!" The woman at the door was in her mid-thirties at most, and was holding her leg and howling up a storm big enough to rival one of Frostbite's daily blizzards.

"I'm so sorry!" Seana apologized profusely. "I didn't mean to!"

"Well I should hope not! Intentionally kicking innocent lady's shins is a horrible accomplishment, even for a witch like yourself."

"But I'm not a witch," Seana protested. "I just need to speak with Baron Brr!"

The woman stopped howling for a moment and pondered this, still holding her leg aloft. "Well, he did say that he was expecting someone to come help him with his unicorn emporium, but I didn't think it would be a stubborn little wretch like you." Seana blinked, face blank. "Oh, very well, come in. His office is in the back, but for heaven's sake don't touch anything and do not help yourself to any trinket you see."

Seana thanked her and sprinted down the slick hallway toward the directed door that was neatly marked: "Baron Brr: Official Officiator of Offices and Official Affections." She didn't bother knocking or kicking this time, but marched straight in confidently.

"Baron Brr? Hello?" She glanced around the room, not seeing the Baron at first. "Sir?"

Then she spotted him.

On the floor.

Clutching a piece of paper.

And wearing a kilt.

"Baron Brr!" She cried out, kneeling beside him. "Someone help me! Something's wrong with the baron! He seems to have lost all sense of fashion!" Seana looked closer at the baron, and suddenly it hit her like a train wreck full of angry pigs. "Baron Brr is not moving! Someone help!"

"What is all this commotion about, little wretch?" The same woman at the door pattered in, wiping her hands on her apron that commanded: Kiss the Cook! "My husband!" She shrieked, kneeling beside Seana and holding the baron's head in her hands. "What happened to my poor husband?!"

Seana shook her head. She hadn't the slightest idea what exactly had happened, but she had a rough idea that something was completely wrong.

She looked the sobbing woman in the eye.

"It seems that the baron has been murdered."

TO BE CONTINUED...