How To Be The Most Annoying TV Salesperson Ever

I know, I know. This is something you all have no desire to do whatsoever have been dying to know. I'm here to help.

1. First of all you simply MUST look excited about your product. Whether it be the upside-down tomato hanger, the vacuum cleaner that claims to pick EVERYTHING off the floor, or the flamethrower, grin and bare those pearly whites of yours to show just how awesome you think this product is. If you're sitting there on camera sulking in the corner eating breath mints, that simply won't do at all! Oh, no, no, no!

2. Now you must make your voice excited about the product too. Emphasize words like "wow!", "great," "and," and "free." By doing this you will make people think about the product the way you want them to. When they see how much fun you're having with that newly improved napkin, they'll want to buy one too. Because, wow, they're just so great! And we'll throw in a teddy bear free!

3. Be sure to add a few "But wait, there's more!"s to your script, because if we're suddenly informed that there's more, of course we'll be jumping out of our chairs and leaping for the phone. It's always excellent to do one of these right before a commercial. To build up the suspense, yes? Just like in writing.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

4. You must be willing to test your project. If you have a phobia of the solar powered bug-zapper, that won't be good. Standing in the corner hiding from the bug-zapper is not exactly helping your annoying rating. And this is what this post is all about, yes? So jump into the presentation and hold up that zapper and smile like you just won a life-time supply of air!

*OPTIONAL*

5. For the final tip on being the most annoying TV salesperson ever, of which you can decide whether or not you'd like to try, you could always talk in a really loud and slow voice, like the way you would talk to someone who has come from an alternate universe. For example: "THIS....IS....A....FLAMETHROWER....IT....IS....REALLY.....FIERY."

This always adds some annoyance to the mix.

<3 Seana