Avoiding A Nasty Haphazard Has Never Been Easier
We've all had those unfortunate incidents where we were walking to a very important appointment, only to run into a haphazard that leaves us swinging by our heels in a tree surrounded by howler monkeys. Without further ado, here is my guide to avoiding these tricks and traps.
1. Don't go walking alone.
Easy enough. When walking through a spooky looking area, take anotherunsuspecting fool peer to keep watch where you're walking. If more than one pair of eyes is locked onto the ground for anything out of the ordinary or reaching slyly for your left toe, they can sound the alarm, "It's ALIVEEEEE!", and you'll know right away that you really ought to leap into the air as high as you can and flap your arms for extra lift to stay out of harm's way. You never know what those chipmunks might've done to you had your peer not been watching your...er...feet.
2. Could've had a V8.
Well, we all know that when something bad happens to us, there's always commercial about two seconds later exclaiming, "SHOULD'VE HAD A V8! [BUT DID YOU LISTEN? Nooo!]" So save yourself some grief. Drink a V8 first, then go walk under a piano. Maybe it'll help the piano to fall at an obtuse angle to where you are standing, as opposed to on top of you.
3. Wear a cape.
People who wear capes instantly look cooler. When you look cool, generally people don't lay traps for you because they're quite positive you'll outthink them. It's no fun if you're trying to ensnare someone and they look at the little tofu on a string and say, "Gee, that's a trap. I shall not follow it down the gopher hole, for fear that little dwarves will come and start singing to me." before walking past it with their nose in the air. Enrage the person who's trying to trap you by wearing a cape.
4. Walk around with your arms out.
This doesn't help much, except to deflect flying objects. It just looks really funny.
5. Send out some minions.
As a final tip, grab one of your trusty minions and take them along with you wherever you go. Send them out before you, or, if you have more than one, send them out in all four of the cardinal directions. That way no matter where you go, that muskrat won't dare try to jinx you with a hocus-pocus bibbidi-bobbidi-boo type incident, because your minions will be able to overpower it easily (we hope).
NOTE: If you don't have very many minions (or the amount is nonexistent), this is not a very good idea. One only has so many minions.
That is all.
<3 Seana
1. Don't go walking alone.
Easy enough. When walking through a spooky looking area, take another
2. Could've had a V8.
Well, we all know that when something bad happens to us, there's always commercial about two seconds later exclaiming, "SHOULD'VE HAD A V8! [BUT DID YOU LISTEN? Nooo!]" So save yourself some grief. Drink a V8 first, then go walk under a piano. Maybe it'll help the piano to fall at an obtuse angle to where you are standing, as opposed to on top of you.
3. Wear a cape.
People who wear capes instantly look cooler. When you look cool, generally people don't lay traps for you because they're quite positive you'll outthink them. It's no fun if you're trying to ensnare someone and they look at the little tofu on a string and say, "Gee, that's a trap. I shall not follow it down the gopher hole, for fear that little dwarves will come and start singing to me." before walking past it with their nose in the air. Enrage the person who's trying to trap you by wearing a cape.
4. Walk around with your arms out.
This doesn't help much, except to deflect flying objects. It just looks really funny.
5. Send out some minions.
As a final tip, grab one of your trusty minions and take them along with you wherever you go. Send them out before you, or, if you have more than one, send them out in all four of the cardinal directions. That way no matter where you go, that muskrat won't dare try to jinx you with a hocus-pocus bibbidi-bobbidi-boo type incident, because your minions will be able to overpower it easily (we hope).
NOTE: If you don't have very many minions (or the amount is nonexistent), this is not a very good idea. One only has so many minions.
That is all.
<3 Seana
Good advice. Especially the "friend" to tag along with you wherever you go. However, may I make a slight addition to that one? I advise one only brings along someone who is an acquaintance, rather than your best chum. You don't really want your best mate mauled by mystical hobgoblins. Just a thought (:
ReplyDeleteYou're correct. Those hobgoblins are devious creatures. (:
DeleteOh I would protect you Sea, don't worry.
ReplyDeleteAs long as you didn't get distracted by cookies. (:
DeleteOoh... good point. I don't know if I'd be able to resist those delicious treats... :) You know who alert!
DeleteSuch delicacies could prove fatal. (:
DeleteOoh, "Voldemort" alert! xD.
Can I just say that I absolutely adore your blog? You are positively hilarious and never cease to make me smile. Actually, I was carrying my computer back to my room reading this and wasn't watching where I was going. . . I may or may not have crashed into someone. You had me that attached to the post.
ReplyDeleteAlas, I only have three minions who most likely are planning mutiny. *shakes head* Maybe I should give them some ice cream.
Aw, thank you so much! That means a lot to me. (:
DeleteOh no, if they're planning mutiny, just follow the advice from the post: take them as your body guards, perhaps that man-eating slug will eat them.
Excellent advice! That, and the vampire down the street *has* been eyeing us. . . He should like my minions who don't refer to me as Fearless Leader.
DeleteYes, yes. And after that the man-eating slug can eat the vampire. Nothing messy, nothing complicated.
Delete