My Friend Tries to Strangle Me
Y'know those friends who you were on excellent speaking terms with, you hung out on a fairly consistent basis, and you can joke around with them without them having an awkward moment where they start crying and you about die trying to cheer them up afterwards.
Be wary of those friends.
I was hanging out with Evalyn this weekend with some others, and we decided to play tag. As bad as I am at that game, I consented to it for the sake of everyone else. (They wouldn't have enjoyed my full barrage of complaints and petitions.)
Now picture me (preferably without a large and bulbous nose), and now picture Evalyn (hint: she's a squick taller than I). Okay. Got that in your head? Now, make Evalyn run in this mental picture, attempt to tag me, but instead get her hand snagged on my long necklace that I had had looped around twice. Keep going through this and have the necklace tighten most uncomfortably and envision my face becoming a bit contorted as my air supply is cut off. Now, I am gasping for air while Evalyn works to disentangle herself, an expression of concern crossing her face. And then the little mental me must yank the necklace back to the correct proportions, taking deep breaths after the accidental near-death incident.
So you see, Evalyn used my own jewelry against me. Cruel, I know. But she convinced me that I ought to loop it around like a bracelet instead, and there were far less near-death situations after that. Just remember, those people you're buds with could just turn around and STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR OWN NECKLACE.
Beware.
That is all.
Be wary of those friends.
I was hanging out with Evalyn this weekend with some others, and we decided to play tag. As bad as I am at that game, I consented to it for the sake of everyone else. (They wouldn't have enjoyed my full barrage of complaints and petitions.)
Now picture me (preferably without a large and bulbous nose), and now picture Evalyn (hint: she's a squick taller than I). Okay. Got that in your head? Now, make Evalyn run in this mental picture, attempt to tag me, but instead get her hand snagged on my long necklace that I had had looped around twice. Keep going through this and have the necklace tighten most uncomfortably and envision my face becoming a bit contorted as my air supply is cut off. Now, I am gasping for air while Evalyn works to disentangle herself, an expression of concern crossing her face. And then the little mental me must yank the necklace back to the correct proportions, taking deep breaths after the accidental near-death incident.
So you see, Evalyn used my own jewelry against me. Cruel, I know. But she convinced me that I ought to loop it around like a bracelet instead, and there were far less near-death situations after that. Just remember, those people you're buds with could just turn around and STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR OWN NECKLACE.
Beware.
That is all.
*takes caution and grabs a fire extinguisher*
ReplyDeleteOh, God! I never envisaged this sort of circumstance, but now I see! Yes! It could happen anywhere, anytime. I am afraid of my own hands. GHAAAA!! There they are, typing! Oooh, those evil, plotting little hands, not unlike those of a friend who may AT THIS MOMENT be concocting a scheme to strange me! Quick! Must do something!
ReplyDelete*burns all owned necklaces*
Ah, I should have thought to burn the thing! But alas...I have fed it to my neighbor's dragon.
DeleteMy firend once had me in a headlock in the pool while trying to push me into the midst of a game of "Beaver". Long story.
ReplyDeleteYikes. I'm not a strong swimmer...that would've freaked me out.
DeleteHow do you play beaver?
DeleteWell, at least your best friend didn't jump on top of you while you were swimming by in good health. Be scared of those diving boards. There's a likelihood that some somebody named you friend might decided to go bounding on it and land right where your head is peeking above the water. I've seen it done. *shakes head* Best friends are people one must always be cautious of. That's why I always give mine pillows.
DeleteYikes. I had no idea diving boards were so deadly. I suppose we'll have to burn those too, or at least feed them to the neighbor's dragon.
Delete