The care and keeping of hippos

Alright. I admit it. I'm extremely bored at the moment. And taking some inspiration from a new fantastic website (insideliamsbrain.wordpress.com) that I've discovered, I'm going to do a random post. Now it probably won't be as funny as one of Liam's, but I'll try to do the best I can.


Now, you're probably thinking, "Hey, Seana, how do I care for my new pet hippo?" Well, here are some steps you should take to ensure the best results from the hippopotamus you now own.


1. Hippos are quite large, so when giving your hippo a bath, be sure to steer clear of their big feet. Their mouths are also very big, so I would advise you to stay out of snapping range if you want to stay in one piece. You'll need at least a swimming pool amount of water to give the hippo a good bath, and possibly a gallon or so of soap to get rid of that hippo-y smell.


2. Hippopotamus's are NOT in fact blue. *gasp* Thanks to this totally inaccurate picture, you might now be thinking, "Hippos are blue and fuzzy!" and go shouting that to the world. Please note that if you totally mortify yourself in front of an especially large crowd, I am not responsible for your actions.


3. These creatures eat a lot. To make sure that your hippo doesn't starve, take him/her along with you when you mow the lawn. The extra grass clippings will give it a delicious meal that you didn't have to work long and tiring hours to produce. *NOTE* Since lawns don't really need to be mowed that often, you might need to find another food source so that Mr. Hippo doesn't reach and early and tragic demise due to the lack of nutritional values in his diet.


4. Now it's probably a good idea for you to realize that hippos stink. Literally. Not that I've really sniffed one, but I don't think you'll want to go walking around the street wearing Eau de Hippo. If people suddenly start avoiding you on the street, I might have a small hunch of why they might be doing so. Make sure to give your hippo a bath once and a while, but see Step 1 about bathing details.


5. If you get sick of your hippo (like that'd ever happen) be sure that you don't just turn him loose into the streets; there's no way he could fend for himself! Get him a nice home at the zoo. If the keepers there give you odd looks for keeping a hippo, give them a strange look back; they keep hippos too!


6. If you're not, however, sick of your hippo, feel free to teach it tricks such as: roll over, I'd recommend not being within a few yards of the hippo for fear of getting squashed; sit, same as roll over--don't be too close; or maybe even speak! Soon your hippo could be singing the national anthem. Backwards. In Spanish. While standing on his head.


Well there ya have it! The first hippo manual brought to you by Seana J. Vixen. Thank you, thank you. Please wait in the lobby for autographs. ^.^


<3 Seana